Put your affairs in order.

It sounds like a somber doctor’s advice, which no one wants to hear. The declaration, that doom is pending and soon will end your life as you know it. Get things neat and tidy for those you are leaving behind.

Wow!  It has so many meanings.

Could it also mean something else? Could it have a meaning about affairs? I love questions. I question a lot of things, and people, and mostly myself.  Questioning myself is somewhat of a chore, because then it gets me off into la-la land, and I never know where my mind will end up. It can be tedious.

If you are a multi-affair person like my spouse is, then it could mean which affair came first and then the inevitable questions further develop as to why she did that. WHY??? I’ll never really know the TRUE answer to those questions, because there is no answer that would ever satisfy me. What was it that made it an affair?

I can’t even give a satisfactory answer to my own dalliance.

What about my own affair? What was special about it that made it an affair? I have had feelings for other women, and didn’t consider it an affair.  How intimate do you have to be, for it to be considered an affair? Does it only count when it hurts to give it up? There are both emotional affairs, and physical affairs. I’m sure there are more, I’m just not ready to acknowledge them or too dumb to know about them.

Before I get too far off track, I really wanted to say something about having your LIFE in order. It’s kind of the same thing, when you think about it. Aren’t you the happiest when you have your life in order? We know what it is supposed to be, then why don’t we knowingly do it the right way? Why don’t we put our life in order?

Having your life in order is a huge statement.

I read several blogs daily and the comments from them, and I wonder how far people can get out of the norm before they see the light and come back to having their life in order. Most people seem to go out of their way to get their life out of order, to live in drama, to cause waves and disruption in not only their lives, but others too.

Really it is simple, isn’t it?  Even though it is mostly emotional, and “feeling” driven, when it is all said and done, we aren’t the first person to discover that affairs aren’t good for anyone. Sure a few make it to the next level, but most end up causing lives to crash and burn.  It causes emotional wars that devastate families and friends, and the treads of destruction reaches out to people we don’t even know. It is such a waste of time, and a waste of emotional stability.

Having your life in order is a huge statement.

I’m lucky.  My life seems to be more in order right now.  I’m not sure why because I have had some serious health issues, and some major changes in the way that I am living my daily life. Has the change really been better?

Maybe it is because I can see more blessings in my life. Things that bring order to my life. Each blessing involves love. I realize the love I have for people in my life, and even the things in my life that bring me joy. They are all blessings.

I’m getting my life in order.

I highly suggest it.  Will you at least think about it?

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It’s all about YOU!

Today I made a statement to someone about “unfulfilled” needs, and it got me to thinking about it and all the threads that it leads to, in our lives. Kind of like strings, good or bad.

Then the question that follows, does one of those needs, lead to other needs that may or may not be also in that list of things that adds up to your life being screwed up. Of course it does.

Recognizing those needs can be as difficult as discovering the meaning of life.

Discovery of unfulfilled needs may need a paid professional or some other outside source to help recognize those needs. How many millions of dollars is spent on therapy every year? Not enough probably.

I think every affair, is spawned by the act of trying to fix something that is wrong, mainly your life, with something that is wrong. Two wrongs don’t make a right. KWIM? Ask you mom. She is smarter than you remember, would be my guess.

Simple, but realistic.

Actually it is all quite simple. It’s like the kid trying to find Waldo. It’s right there in front of you, but you refuse to see it. You make it harder than it should be. We throw all those weak excuses up, and then wait for the world to collapse around us.

So, it’s still all about you.

It’s your choice, to get into an affair, and now it is your choice, to end it and get out, and get on with your life.

So, it’s still all about you.

Back to those unfulfilled needs. Is it pride? Is it something your dad didn’t say when you were six? Is it something your husband didn’t acknowledge when you were forty? You are the connection, to all of this.

So, it’s still all about you.

It’s the choices that you have made in the past. The choices that made you feel good, just like a kid when he spots Waldo. KWIM?

There it is, you again.

So, it’s still all about you.

Are you tired of hearing that? It’s the truth. Why avoid it? The truth shall set you free. Another ask Mom question. She will tell you.

It is all about you. Owning everything. Owning your decision about having an affair, whether there was underlying causes and effect or not. It’s you. You are the one who has to stand there and take responsibility.

It’s about you.

It’s about you ending your affair. Doing the things, that have to be done, to end it. They are hard. They are hard if you want to hold on to that affair. Hanging on is just like hanging on to a Cancer. It grows. It invades. It metastases to your heart, and then to your brain. First it makes you sick, and then it kills you. At least it kills your marriage, and it ruins the lives of all those that love you. It reaches out further than that. Your friendships will change, many will be lost. It could be financial death. Seldom do people ever come out of a divorce, better than what it was before. See? It’s all about you, again.

This becomes a fight for your life. It becomes a fight for your way of life, your lifestyle. It’s about you and your choices, the choices you make to protect YOU, and everything, and everyone you love, and that love you. It’s all about you.

You are the common denominator in all of this.

Some day is going to be the day that you decide to protect yourself. It needs to be today. There is no reason to wait. The day you decide to love yourself enough to let go, of what is dragging you down. Let go of what is making you hang on to that affair. Making the choice to move on with your life. Putting yourself first, putting those who need and love you, first. Making the choice. Making the commitment. Doing it for you. After all, it is about you, isn’t it???

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Breaking Habits

“The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.”—Samuel Johnson

I find it hard to imagine being addicted to things. Being a grownup, being an intelligent people, shouldn’t we be immune to such things? You can understand kids being more self-indulgent than adults. Where did we miss the boat?

Years ago I smoked. Ugh! I understand what it does to your body. I knew it then. Lots of terrible things, that were all self-inflicted. It even makes you smell bad. I hate going into places that they still allow smoking. Why did I do that?

It felt good, at the time. I liked the rush. The adrenalin of the nicotine packs quite a kick.

Is alcohol any better? Nah! It will eat your liver up. Its toxic to your body and does lots of funny things to your system. It causes depression. It makes you fat. It hampers your sexuality.  It definitely screws up your mind. Why would I want to be a part of that mess?

It feels good, at the time. As you can see, my love of Bombay Sapphire Martinis arouses my weakness and self-control and the impulse is strong when I just think about it. I’m not an alcoholic, but it is a weakness and fault.

Exercise!   I don’t do enough of it anymore, but I remember the day when I did. I was addicted to the Stair Climber.  That’s a tough machine. Very wearing on your body. Every morning I would hammer out the height of the Empire State Building. I dreamed of competing in the Empire State Building “Run-Up”. Then I increased it to a hour at full blast. When I was done, I wasn’t even tired, but I was pumped, physically and emotionally. I had a clear mind. It too, was an addiction or habit. Probably the only good one I ever had. I should have stayed doing it.

Why? It felt good. That was an addiction that could be arguably, be very good for you. It kept my mind busy for a couple of hours. I know there is a saying about idle hands, the same for an idle mind.

An affair fits right into this category of things that are bad for you, and mistakenly, makes you feel good. It can kill you. Physically it wears on you. Mentally the stress level is unbelievable. I lost thirty five pounds the first two months we were together. If the stress doesn’t kill you, the risk of a third party doing it is not much of a reach. Spouses and SO’s are a constant danger to both of you.

More on AFFAIRS.

Mentally it shuts down your brain to clear thinking. It is the foggy thinking that can get you into trouble. Bargaining with yourself is an automatic loss. I barely escaped from some really stupid thinking during that time.  I justified many things.  It leads you to believe that the fantasy could really be true.

Fantasy???  Romantic thinking?  I think so. I think that is what the fantasy is all about.

Wanting someone who will love you, and cherish you.  Put you in front of all others. Someone you can love, someone who will return your love. Someone you can trust.  

Wait………….isn’t that what marriage and vows are all about.  WTF???

Oh………so when it is convenient, you put your marriage on hold and start looking for a backup plan.

OK, sooner or later, reality sets in.

You stop smoking because you are tired of hacking your lungs out.

You quit drinking, because you can’t stop the bad ‘next mornings’.

You stop the exercise, because you get lazy and satisfied.

You stop the affair, because of ????????????????

Funny…………….when you are out for awhile, you know the answer.  One answer is you are tired of killing yourself emotionally. Racking your mind with guilt, abusing your body with despair. You do it for yourself. You do it for ALL the people you love, but number one you do it for YOU.

I think I am getting back to being the same old me. That is what I wanted from the beginning.  I always said I would Rather Be Me.  My mind is a lot clearer, NOW. I think I am beginning to get it, and really understand it.

Peace to you all.


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If you are reading my blog you must have a reason. If you are a cheater and having a bad time either ending it, or getting through the aftermath of being in one, I have a new website for you to check out.

It is a self-supported, peer generated help board that you may find some help, give some advice and just find regular people who are just like you who have needed help.  Give it a try.


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….and then it was winter.

Today is one of my favorite days of the year. Super Bowl Sunday!!! I am usually disappointed in the outcome, because my team is never there, and usually the game isn’t as good as I expect it to be. I am a pro football fan. A Detroit Lions fan actually. I have some more favorites but really enjoyment for the game is more important. For this one game I have a hard time finding a team to root for. I just try to enjoy it for football’s sake.
Today I’m sitting where I usually am not. Usually I have packed up and followed the sun. Super cold weather surrounds me. I am at home. Suffering the injustice of getting older, the aches and pains preventing me from being in a tropical place, playing golf and enjoying my freedom and the sunshine. Many circumstances beyond my control have brought me to this day and place. But life is like that.
Today I got one of those emails that we all get, trying to pump us up into looking at life in a different way. I’ve read it before. I tried a little Google searching to see who wrote it, and I gave up. Seems so many people have used it on their blog, web site or have adapted it to their own situation, that it is hard to give credit.

Here it is:

You know. . . time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years. It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and embarking on my new life with my mate. Yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all. I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams.
But, here it is… the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise…How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my youth go? I remember well seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like.
But, here it is…my friends are retired and getting grey…they move slower and I see an older person now. Some are in better and some worse shape than me…but, I see the great change…Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant…but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we’d be. Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore… it’s mandatory! Cause if I don’t on my own free will… I just fall asleep where I sit!
And so…now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did!! But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I’m not sure how long it will last…this I know, that when it’s over on this earth…its over. A new adventure will begin!
Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn’t done…things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I’m happy to have done. It’s all in a lifetime.
So, if you’re not in your winter yet…let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly! Don’t put things off too long!! Life goes by quickly. So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not! You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life…so, live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember…and hope that they appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the years past!!
Life” is a gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to those who come after. Make it a fantastic one.
Remember “It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.

Think about it.
Life is short.
Will it have mattered a hundred years from now?
Burrrrr……….it’s cold outside.
I think I’ll have a hot-toddy.

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Happy New Year!

The problem……………is with me. ME!
I suspect if you are reading, it is the same with you.

I admire people with direction.
People who know where they are going.
The world stands aside to let anyone pass who knows where he is going. — David Starr Jordan

How did I miss that boat?
I am a great planner.
That’s the idea behind having a goal.
A goal without a plan is just a dream. — Elbert Hubbard.

Facing the truth, and not jumping on board and riding the fantasy.
Accepting reality for what it is.
Cutting out the crap.
Telling it like it is.

The New Year is closely approaching.
I wasn’t happy enough with the last one.
I want to be happier.
This year is going to be better.
Get out of my way.
I know where I am going.

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Emotional Divorce?

I had never heard of that term before and it jumped off the page of the blog I was reading and got me thinking.
Trouble already, I know!

Emotional Divorce was used in a blog by a betrayed spouse who was talking about still being married and yet not being together in spirit. In fact it was about living together, but not as a married couple. You know what I mean.

Do more couples live in an Emotional Divorce than are happily married?
If you are unhappily married, are you Emotionally Divorced?
Do couples who just put up with each other, are together but not in sync with each other, aren’t they Emotionally Divorced?

I read a lot of blogs. A LOT!
I get all the comments from all the blogs, too. Some really make me think. Isn’t that why we read?
I read both kinds of blogs. Wayward Spouses and Betrayed Spouses. I find it interesting to see how other people think, react and handle the different aspects of their lives.
Since I have been on both sides of this coin, Betrayed many times, and Wayward with my affair with Karen, I find I can relate quite well to them all. I do find it interesting to try and picture how the particular people are, their ages, the marital situations and how much different or the same our thinking has been in the similar situations.
I have always considered myself a strong person with a lot of common sense. Then I have to wonder when I see others, and I see that they have handled it completely different, than me. Was I right or wrong? Is there a right or wrong way to handle it?

Back to Emotional Divorce.

I have never thought about it until now.
I am Emotionally Divorced from my spouse.
Maybe not full time, but part-time Emotionally Divorced.
I still at times enjoy being with her. We still have a good time together at times. We are still friends. We share a lot of history. But what happened to the passion?

The question I have asked myself many, many times is would you do it again. Would I have another affair?
The answer is easy. No. NO!
Not if it was going to hurt me like the last one did. Then I qualify it.
I picked the wrong one. I know that. I know it now. I was blinded by lust and passion. So now I have recovered a lot since then. I am back to that ho-hum life without passion. I still have lust. ;D
It’s been a long time. In fact I am thinking that I am Emotionally Divorced from Karen. More thinking. See? So I guess you can where I am now?


Well…………….this whole Emotional Divorce thing is new to me.
Think about it.

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